I Don’t Want to go Back to Normal
I want to move on to better, but I don’t know what that looks like
I’ve stopped using the phrase “back to normal”. Instead, my mantra in this season of reopening “one shot/two shot summer’ I’m looking for ways to move on to a better way of living.
It’s a work in progress.
The other day I walked past a window and caught a look at my reflection. The full extent of what pandemic living has done to my body was on full display.
The first thing to go 16 months ago — wired bras. I didn’t need the full support of the beforetimes while lounging in sweat pants at home. Over time, this part of my torso has settled into a relaxed, laid-back sag.
Just below this, is what I lovingly call my pandemic potbelly. Now, I’ve never had an Olympians physique, but I was pretty active in the beforetimes. I’ve run marathons and would try fitness classes “for fun”.
But 16 months of closed gyms and numerous fruitless attempts to workout in my overcrowded living room has eaten away the muscle tone I used to have. My stomach (always shaped more like two kegs than a six-pack) was once held up and in. Now it hangs out and over.
My first thought “I need a better bra”.
This is what it means to go “back to normal”.
THERE’S NO GOING BACK TO THIS
I don’t want to go back to feeling bad about my body.
When the pandemic first hit and the impulse to find comfort in food and wine took over, I decided to not feel guilty about that. I was finding my way through a global health crisis. My only job was to keep my body isolated, removed from the chain of viral spread and prevent myself and others from getting sick.
I vowed to make it through the pandemic in good health. And I’ve done that. I also haven’t gained any actual weight. My body composition has changed because I haven’t exercised regularly (beyond walking the dog three times a day).
MOVING ON TO BETTER
At the time of writing, I have my first shot and am waiting patiently for my second (I say this ironically because it cannot come soon enough).
The first shot was a bit of a mind f*ck. I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about what I’ve missed or how different pandemic life is from “normal” life.
My mental resilience came from accepting lockdown restrictions as the current “normal”. I needed to stay present and find happiness with where I was in life at that point in time.
But being half-vaxxed? It’s proof that this way of living is temporary. Things are going to change again.
I have an overwhelming need for them to change for the better.
When gyms reopen, I want to do all the classes. I want to move my body again in ways it hasn’t in a long time (or ever).
When salons reopen, I’m not going to back to my socially awkward “silent reading”. I’m going to invest the time to learn more about the science of hair, specifically my hair, and appreciate the stylists skill at keeping it looking good.
When I can socialize more with friends, I’m not going to bail on plans. Instead I’m going to be realistic with how much time I can spend with them, what my expectations are for the evening. I’m a homebody by nature. The pandemic hasn’t changed that. But I value time with friends more than I did before and we all deserve making these in-person gatherings special.
When offices reopen, I’m going to speak up about what I need to be my best. A vast majority of my work right now is spent writing, which I can do anywhere. My best writing comes from periods of uninterrupted time with my thoughts. It’s my version of a flow state and it comes when I’m alone in a room.
An open-concept production room or newsroom is the last place I want to return to for daily work. I’m happy to come into the office for a meeting or live production. I’ve had a taste of flexible work and I love it. I thrive in it. If you want me to bring my best work to your organization, give me a laptop and let me work from home. You won’t regret it.
I’m sure this list will grow as we move to a post-pain life. As long as I keep my mantra “moving on to better” I hope to keep from slipping back to the old ways that didn’t really work for me.
