The Forced “Zen” of Pandemic Life
How living in a constant state of uncertainty and anxiety taught me to finally live in the present
For the first time in a long time, I listened to a friend waver between two different travel plans. I’d like to say it was a glimmer of life returned to normal, but truth is we never would have had this conversation in the before times.
See, months ago my friend booked a spot at a real estate conference in France. For years she’s been dreaming of buying an investment property overseas and when the opportunity came to learn more, she took it. At the time she thought the pandemic would be winding down by fall 2021.
Fast-forward to her travel dilemma. The trip is two months away, which is usually a good time to book cheap flights. She found two: one with British Airways and the other Air France. BA is cheaper by $400.
In the before times, the cheaper flight would win. No conversation needed. But these are unprecedented times and there’s a lot to consider. The cheaper flight has a stopover in London, which means she would need to present a negative Covid-19 test at a cost of $200 — eating into the discount.
The Covid test also brought up the question: what if the test is positive? What happens to the rest of the trip? Is it better to not know? Is it ethical?
We then weighed return policies. Air France has a refund policy, whereas BA only allows you to reschedule. If the fourth wave takes a serious turn in North America and Europe over the next two months, there’s a chance the conference could be cancelled. In which case, in my opinion, Air France wins. Money back in your pocket during a crisis is always better than rebooking a flight, in my opinion.
With each positive for one flight, we thought of another “worst case scenario” that changed it all. On paper, this kind of catastrophic thinking sounds completely irrational. But think about how we’ve been living since March 2020. Our every day life is a product of catastrophic thinking. We’ve just become immune to it.
Days after a global pandemic was declared, the world seemingly shut down. Everyone was forced into their homes, told to shelter in place and await further instruction.
So we did. And the further instructions (especially at the beginning) changed daily. And many were bizarre. Remember leaving your groceries outside for 24 hours to “kill off” any surface germs? Remember Lysol-wiping door handles on a daily basis? Stock-piling toilet paper? Remember when the most powerful political leader told people to drink bleach or somehow ingest the sun? All of these happened and more.
Deadlines lost all meaning. When my office was sent home and schools closed in Canada, there was a very misguided belief it would all be over in two weeks. Then the “return to the office” needle kept moving: To the end of the quarter; then the end of the fiscal year; then, well, who knows.
At my primary job, where I happily work remotely, the executives recently held an all-staff meeting to update us on the “big return”. More like a non-return. From what I picked up, a handful of people will be allowed back in studio. Mainly on-air talent and reporters who have been delivering very serious information from their living rooms and front foyers.
The rest of us have been told to wait until the federal government says indoor masks aren’t necessary and we no longer have to physically distance. And even then, the return will be metered out slowly over the course of a year.
So how much longer do I expect to keep working this job from home? I have absolutely no idea.
How is anyone supposed to seriously make long-term plans when we’re frequently reminded our day-to-day can and will still change? One day. We don’t know when. We don’t even know all the factors going into the decision-making.
I brought this up with my friend when she landed on waiting a little while longer before booking her flight.
“I’ve stopped making plans beyond a month,” I confessed. “There are two many factors in what’s allowed and how governments are trying to control outbreaks. Four weeks seems like a safe window.”
Which isn’t to say I’ve stopped dreaming. There are still things I want to do, projects I want to pursue, real estate I want to purchase. But in terms of actually scheduling things, it amounts to two things: booking the dog in day care and booking fitness classes at the gym (while I still can).
Everything else will have to wait until the timing feels right. And is less than four weeks away.
